Beate Uhse Loses its World Cup Buzz

Fearing legal action that could result in losses of millions of euros, German sex toy firm Beate Uhse has assured a shocked public that these names will not be featuring during the World Cup.

German sex toy firm Beate Uhse? Surely the selection of players for the Germany and England teams is the responsibility of Messrs. Klinsmann and Eriksson respectively.

How could a leading exponent of saucy goods find itself in such a position of power where it could wield the axe and deny the world the chance to enjoy the thrill of Kahn, Ballack and Beckham?

Because, as Beate Uhse's spokesperson Assia Tschernookof confirmed in the German press Wednesday, Olli K., Michael B. and David B are not the famous soccer players one would associate with their names but a range of vibrators which is causing a bit of a stir.

Vibrators not linked to famous soccer players

Despite the obvious connotations that arise from the products' labels, Beate Uhse claim that their range of battery-powered sex aids -- retailing at 69.90 euros each -- have nothing to do with the players who immediately come to mind when hearing the names and have nothing to do with the stars.

"We will sell no more Olli K's and Michael B's," Tschernookof said. "We are recalling these products because we don't want to infringe on anybody's personality rights. This was not our intention."

The erotic enterprise was made aware of a potential legal battle via an article in the Munich Tageszeitung newspaper which reported that representatives for Oliver Kahn and Michael Ballack were looking into what steps could be taken if the vibrators could be proved to be selling on the players' names.

Removal of toys a purely "precautionary" measure

Concerned that the company's name was about to be dragged through the courts, Beate Uhse moved quickly to head off any legal action, explaining that the company had done nothing wrong but were recalling the vibrators as a precautionary measure. "If we had written the whole names, it would certainly have become expensive for us. However, it is not forbidden to shorten the names."

While neither Oliver Kahn nor Michael Ballack have pursued any legal challenge, the vibrators will still be taken off the shelf, leaving lusty soccer fans looking elsewhere for ways to fulfill their dreams of a night of passion with one of Germany's soccer stars.