Growing up with Nelson Mandela

At the age of 11, Ndaba Mandela met his grandfather for only the second time. A big black BMW whisked him away from his rundown Soweto neighborhood and dropped him off at Nelson Mandela's home in the wealthy Johannesburg suburb of Houghton.

From this point on, he was to live with a man who was revered by so many — but who was to Ndaba, ultimately, a "stranger."

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison. The sacrifices he made in the name of the anti-apartheid cause ultimately became the sacrifices of his family as well. His young children were deprived of a father for nearly three decades. His mother died while he was incarcerated. His grandchildren were born into a world where everyone knew their grandfather's name, but he was just as untouchable to them as he was to everybody else.

When Mandela finally walked free from prison in 1990, there was widespread jubilation and a great deal of expectation. He was seen as the only leader who could unify people and navigate the country through the turbulent post-apartheid years.

But, at the age of 75 and having spent so much time apart from the society that now needed his guidance, Mandela recognized how important it was to connect with the country's youth: a task that would have to begin at home.

A 'youthful perspective'

In his new book Going to the Mountain: Life Lessons from My Grandfather, Nelson Mandela, Ndaba Mandela describes how the former South African leader went about forging new bonds with his family and how his grandchildren's presence helped give Mandela the "youthful perspective" he needed.

Ndaba calls this the "infusion of Fresh Prince" — referencing the popular 90s TV hit The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air in which the main character, played by Will Smith, goes to live with his wealthy uncle and ends up teaching him some important life lessons.

Ndaba explains that, while "the benefits to the kid were obvious," the main focus of the show was "how the boy improved the life and opened the mind of the rich uncle."

In his book, Ndaba depicts a similar relationship between himself and Mandela — one that is perhaps slow to take root, but which undoubtedly benefits both parties. When the pair are first brought together under one roof, young Ndaba is more emotionally attached to his new Sega games console than to the grandfather who supplied it.

But by the end of the book, they have both been on a journey. Mandela the leader has left public office and found a way back into his family's life. Ndaba has grown up, dealt with difficult elements of his past and developed a humble appreciation for the chances he has been given and the wisdom imparted to him by "The Old Man."

'Going to the mountain'

A recurring theme, which also lends its name to the book's title, is "going to the mountain." This refers to the traditional initiation undertaken by males of the Xhosa people once they are deemed ready for manhood. Ndaba describes the ritual process — the build-up, the excruciating pain of the circumcision, and the subsequent period of seclusion.

This ceremony is a reminder of the deeply patriarchal elements that persist in South African society, but it also provides a useful metaphor for Ndaba's relief at having reached adulthood and a position where he can talk to his grandfather at the level of equals.

Perhaps the most poignant moment in Ndaba's story comes after the death of his parents, whom he had seen only sporadically during his teenage years. He describes the difficulties he had coping with the fact that his mother had died of AIDS.

The stigma and secrecy surrounding the disease in South Africa at the time made things harder. Even his own family refused to face the truth: They put out a press release saying Ndaba's mother had died of pneumonia.

But by the time Ndaba's father, Nelson Mandela's son, died from the same disease just two years later, something had changed. Ndaba describes the pride he felt hearing his grandfather admit to the world that his son had died of AIDS: "He was not ashamed, and he was no longer willing to be complicit in the shame of others."

The Mandela in Ndaba's book is not a saint. He is often overly strict and makes errors of judgement. But by the end, there is no doubt that Ndaba reveres his grandfather and is eager to build on the legacy of the Mandela family name.

He is grateful for the life of the man who brought democracy to South Africa, and who brought his grandson to the mountain.