Love's Labor Lost on the German Highway
June 9, 2006
At the beginning of Shakespeare's poetic comedy Love's Labor Lost, King Ferdinand of Spain declares that his court will be devoted to ascetic study. He lays out the rules of the game by imposing three conditions on his courtiers: no women allowed within a mile of the court, obligatory fasting once a week, and no more than three hours of sleep per night.
What a great way to increase concentration!
The bard of Avon, despite his literary genius, didn't know that King Ferdinand's experiment -- in addition to being destined to fail -- was pretty accurately describing the main symptoms of the 21st century's malaise de mode, the new ascetism, namely Internet dependency.
An increasing number of people and, especially, all those new kids on the block, are living in a twisted universe in which physical contact with the human species is reduced to a bare minimum. They inhabit a world in which nourishment comes as an accidental afterthought in between playing The Angel of Darkness online and looking for an Internet hot date whose online profile matches the looks and curves of Laura Croft. And they are often stuck in a time warp in which sleep-deprivation and hours in front of the computer screen lead to hallucinatory experiences that in the not so distant past required serious drug abuse.
These kids have no idea what the psychedelic seventies were about.
Tour d'amour
Yet despite what the pale-faced Cassandras of this world will tell you about humanity's impeding doom and cultural downfall, the last glimmer of hope has not been entirely extinguished. For some people, it is still love, in its pure madness and untainted naiveté, that makes the world go around. Or, at least, makes us go around the world.
One such brave defender of stirred up emotions -- a lovesick 16-year-old German boy -- hopped on his bicycle in Hamm, in the western German state of North-Rhine Westphalia, and cycled more than 200 kilometers (120 miles) overnight to meet a girl he had met on the Internet, German police said on Wednesday.
Very little is known about this boy, except that he will probably stay grounded throughout the FIFA World Cup.
What we do know is that he chose not be cynical, although on that fateful night he could've simply kept chewing on Pringles and dinking can after can of Cherry Coke. He also could have been a little more cautious, wondering whether his Internet sweetheart was, in fact, one of those German tabloid anti-heroes, who -- in a state of drunken stupor and, despite the Freudian banality of it all -- attack their retired neighbors with a bockwurst, sometimes with fatal consequences.
Like a Shakespearean hero who overdosed on love potion, the young German rose above cultural stereotypes and societal prejudices. He broke the chains of Internet dependency. He took no map, no money or food. He also didn't ask for his parents' permission, but ventured out into the unknown, following his heart.
A thwarted attempt
Unfortunately, there always comes a moment in which the prosaics of life takes over the poetic imagination. In Bremen, some two thirds of the way to Hamburg, where he was headed, the boy got lost. Well-behaved and well-brought up as he is, he went to the first police station to ask for directions from kind German policemen, fully trained to make the world feel at home during the soccer championship.
Big mistake! German police officers -- despite their recent training in exchanging polite remarks and reducing the fear factor -- are not exactly the most romantic guys around. Cops rarely get pensive while watching the sunset. They are into chasing criminals and showing off their guns, not sobbing at the end of Sleepless in Seattle.
The police dutifully informed the boy's parents, who, in their turn, were anything but amused. They came to pick him up and take him back home to Hamm. There are unconfirmed reports that some huffing and puffing was involved.
The unsuspecting girl in Hamburg knew nothing about her suitor's exertions. He said he had wanted to surprise her.
No wonder kids turn out pessimistic and distrustful when they grow up.