The Karen meme is everywhere. We have all seen the videos of white American, middle class or above, self-righteous females who adamantly "want to speak to a manager," refuse to wear a mask, and use their racial privilege to punish Black or brown Americans.
Does a person like that exist in Germany? Probably. But Karens as a group, codified into a meme? Not really. Memes are country specific and they reflect aspects of that society's present. But there is a meme about middle class, hyperindividualist white Germans, male and female, that does stand out: the Alman.
The term Alman originally comes from the Turkish community and is used to refer to white Germans. And like Karens, Almans have always been around, but as Germany blossoms into a multicultural society, their quirks and idiosyncrasies are beginning to stick out. It is impossible to not run into an Alman; they are everywhere, and they have many concerns!
Almans: rule enforcers
Almans are very concerned about people not following the rules. Are you going to cross that street on red? An Alman could be there to remind you that, "You are a terrible person, a bad example to children!"
Read more: How to avoid getting scolded by a German
One time, driving on the motorway in the middle of nowhere, an Alman used car sign language to let me know I was spending way too much time in the middle lane. The middle lane is for passing, not for driving leisurely, I was informed in no uncertain terms!
When it comes to grievances, Almans don't want to speak to the manager — they want to speak to you.
Loading my groceries in a parking lot, two Almans got into a fight over who cut off the other and the Alman turned to me, a spectator, to discuss the incident in a lengthy sermon.
Police as regulators of sound
Almans are very particular and strict about noise and when it can be made. The rules are on their side, as in Germany individual noise levels in your home must be lowered between 10 p.m. and 7 a.m. in most communities.
But since loudness is subjective, individual Almans get to decide "what is loud" and boy do they go to town on noise violations. They will call the police as early as 10:03 p.m. if your noise level is bothering them.
If you're planning on having a party, it's wise to leave a note on your Alman neighbor's: "Fyi, we will be having a party."
You are, however, still at the mercy of their feelings that night. The streets are also fair game; if Almans hear too much noise outside, they will also call the police.
Read more: 5 German habits that are tough to understand
Paradise Mallorca
Almans lead very structured lives, but when it comes to vacation, there is one go-to destination for them to let their hair down and unwind: Mallorca, Spain.
On that beautiful island they have built a beach colony of sorts where they can be among themselves, a place they so lovingly refer to as "Germany's 17th state."
Non-Alman white Germans frown upon Mallorca's "Ballermann" district, which they see as tacky, obscene and decadent. But Almans never ever cared about the haters.
In Mallorca, they listen to their favorite music (Schlager — a type of folk music), they speak their own language, they drink excessively, they are loud (yes) and fight with each other over beach chairs. Alman paradise!
Things came to a head when Mallorca reopened recently for the holiday season. Almans flocked to the island, did not wear masks and disregarded social distancing, leading authorities to shut it down again. But as an Alman lady told a media outlet: "I'm here for vacation. If I was going to be wearing masks and following rules, I would have stayed at home."
Exactly.
Alman impatience
Almans probably love Mallorca because it's cheap and fun, and because if there is one thing they love, it's a good discount. Notoriously frugal, they live for discounter supermarkets like Aldi and would probably riot if meat prices were to rise — a sore topic in German politics.
But speaking of the grocery store, it is a great place to observe a major Alman trait: impatience. Long lines and waiting are not for Almans. The anxiety can be felt in the tense atmosphere at the supermarket register.
The stares grow more intense when you don't bag your own items as fast as possible. But the real moment of relief, excitement and adrenaline rush arrives when a new register opens. Only the best Alman will reach it first.
Almans are popular
The meme has now become a category with which white Germans can define themselves or make fun of each other. Almans are caricatured in an "official" Instagram account and explained in YouTube segments.
The rise in popularity has come with a rise in criticism, and some have questioned whether the meme is racist towards white Germans. The debate is ongoing. There's also the question of whether Almans will one day turn into Karens when it comes to race or ethnic relations.
In the meantime, we will continue to deal with Almans on the street and in our apartment buildings. To do so there is only one rule, the kryptonite, the shield you must always carry: patience.