Regional AfD candidate calls for pork kebab option

Dirk Trünkenesser, a member of the populist, anti-immigrant Alternative for Germany (AfD), said on Saturday that he would introduce a bill requiring kebab shop owners sell pork sandwiches if he's elected in September's parliamentary elections.

Aiming to represent the central German region of Unterschweinenheim, Trünkenesser emphasized that the move would not limit but expand the country's variety of indigestion-inducing snack options.

"It's not like I'm trying to take anyone's choice away," he said. "People can still eat the beef and chicken ones - if they want."

Integration, one döner at a time

Trünkenesser also said having German pork fill a food typically made and sold by Turkish restaurants would contribute to integration efforts in Germany.

"There's already tons of red cabbage on the döner I get, but when it's served with pork, that's when I'll know people really understand what being in Germany is all about," he said, using the German word for kebab.

Late-night pangs of hunger need to be satiated by warm, fatty snacks, and Germans deserve to be wiping pork and gravy off their shirts and faces after a big night out, according to Trünkenesser.

"We are in Germany, and it's in line with our culture to have pork on a roll after a night of mass-drinking," Trünkenesser added, apparently referring to the one-liter beer glasses common to some parts of Germany.

German cuisine does, indeed, feature a wide variety of pork-plus-starch-based meals including many variations of the famous bratwurst and other sausages, leberkäse (which translates directly to "liver cheese" despite the fact that the snack contains neither ingredient). Regional specialties include pork knuckle, saumagen (pig stomach, a favorite of former Chancellor Helmut Kohl) and other types of roasts that make liberal use of bacon.

An informal survey of customers outside an Unterschweinenheim kebab shop early Saturday revealed most patrons were not aware of what animal their meal came from.

"I guess I never really thought about it - and now I'm not even really sure I want to eat this," one man said leaning against the wall of the kebab shop and staring intently at his sandwich. "I'm probably going to regret it when I wake up."

Mirroring the Weiner schnitzel

But for Trünkenesser, a pork kebab is the next logical step in the evolution of not-quite-fine German dining.

"It is like the Weiner schnitzel," he said. "Obviously, everyone knows it should be made of veal, but it is also often pork. And some people even make what they call 'chicken schnitzel' - it's an abomination, but they really do it. Pork kebabs, on the other hand, are the future."

Asked about the possibility of expanding kebab choices, Bettina Kohlbeete of the local Green party said enough varieties of meat were already available.

"I am absolutely against adding more animals to the menu," she said early Saturday morning, "But I acknowledge there are times when a falafel just won't do. That's why I would support a tofu-based alternative."

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