Diary of a madman

The old saying which goes "you don't have to be crazy to work here…but it helps" certainly seems to apply to the job of goalkeeper. It may be getting a tad old to continually roll out the assumption that the men between the sticks are often the most unstable, but while we still have people like Jens Lehmann around, the stereotype will always have more than a ring of truth.

Lehmann currently finds himself in hot water (and preparing to serve a three-game suspension) after being sent off for a stamp on striker Aristide Bance in last week's league match against Mainz.

As guest on a popular German television talk show on Thursday night, Lehmann admitted that what he had done was a "mistake," and that he "doesn't always behave in the right way."

And how. He also had to explain himself for snatching the eyeglasses off an upset fan as he walked away from the stadium in Mainz ("I wasn't prepared to deal with this sitation...there was a camera being pointed in my face...I'm embarassed."); whether he was going to pay his 40,000 euro fine for making derogatory remarks about Stuttgart's fans ("Of course I will, but the amount isn't what's been reported...though it is high."); and the incident last week in which he appeared to urinate behind an advertising hoarding during the 3-1 Champions League win over Romania champions Unirea Urziceni to relieve himself ("I wear a cup made out of plastic, and something wasn't quite right with it. Afterwards I could definitely move better.")

The thing is, anyone who signs Jens Lehmann knows what they're getting. You're not only getting a keeper who was voted UEFA Club Goalkeeper of the Year for the 1996-97 and 2005–06 seasons, a goalie of vast domestic and international experience and a highly decorated player, you're getting a ticking time bomb of egoism, arrogance and sporadic insanity. There is enough documented evidence out there to fill filing cabinets of dossiers…

An early start on madness

One of the first examples came during Lehmann's spell at Schalke 04, his first Bundesliga club. In a nightmare performance at Leverkusen, Lehmann conceded three goals in seven minutes, leading coach Joerg Berger to substitute him at half-time.

Lehmann didn't much feel like watching the second half, and he fled the stadium alone, opting to travel home by tram rather than wait for the team bus. Schalke eventually lost 5-1 and Lehmann was dropped for ten matches.

After leaving Schalke for an ill-starred half-season with AC Milan, Lehmann returned to the Bundesliga in 1999 - signing with Schalke's arch-rivals Borussia Dortmund. It didn't take him long to re-establish himself as a volatile character, getting sent off for the first time in the last minute of Dortmund's 2-0 loss to Hansa Rostock. Lehmann had played badly that day and, in the final minute, may have thought it would ease his frustration a bit to pull Rostock's Timo Lange by the hair. All that's certain is that it earned him a red card.

Lehmann enjoyed a particularly volatile spell at BVB, during which he: started and stoked a long and bitter war of words with Bayern Munich's Oliver Kahn, his rival for the national team's No. 1 jersey; assaulted BVB team-mate Marcio Amoroso; and kicked a SC Freiburg striker in the shin after an innocuous collision in the penalty area.

He also earned the distinction of becoming the first Bundesliga goalkeeper to be sent off four times during his spell in Dortmund.

A new and batty chapter in London

This didn't put off Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger, however. Lehmann moved to the London giants in 2003 and soon wrote himself into the history books as part of the "invincibles" team, playing every match as Arsenal went unbeaten for the entire 2003–04 league season.

He soon wrote his name into the English club's disciplinary book too. During the home leg of Arsenal's Champions League match with Bayern Munich in 2005, Lehmann was found guilty of a "deliberate pestering act" that displayed a "striking lack of respect towards the referee" when he threw water over the referee and his assistant – not once but twice.

A year later, after helping Arsenal get to the Champions League final, Lehmann became the first player to be sent off in a European Cup final after tripping Barcelona striker Samuel Eto'o as he rushed towards goal.

That same year, a bizarre tit-for-tat performance of gamesmanship saw Chelsea's Didier Drogba and Lehmann trade theatrical dives after clashing with each other during a Premiership match. Drogba fell to the ground as if shot by a sniper after Lehmann pushed him, leading to Mad Jens falling to earth like a discarded rag doll when Drogba got up and retaliated.

Lehmann's teammates at Arsenal were soon to find out what many of his BVB colleagues already knew – that just because you wore the same club badge as Jens, that didn't mean you were protected from his ire. After being dropped in 2007 in favor of Spain's Manuel Almunia, Jens publicly stated that his usurper was "not in my class" and revealed that watching the Spaniard play made him angry to the point of barely contained physical violence. Almunia responded by telling a newspaper that Lehmann made no secret of the fact that he hated him.

Back in Germany, reaching new heights - or depths

Eventually, it was the Bundesliga's turn again to play host to the madness of King Jens. After returning to Germany with Stuttgart, Lehmann was soon ripping into his teammates, calling them "lazy" after they lost 5-1 to Bayern Munich. He then took his teammate-baiting to another level by swiping the headband off the man they call The Cannibal, Stuttgart defender Khalid Boulahrouz, in a rage blackout during a Uefa Cup match against Zenit St Petersburg.

Lehmann's Stuttgart rap sheet was extended again when, after Hoffenheim striker Sejad Salihovic lost one of his boots in a challenge, Lehmann swiftly grabbed the discarded shoe and threw it onto the roof of his own net.

It's not only rival – and sometimes his own – players who have suffered. Just ask the innocent citizens of Berg. After relocating to the small Bavarian town on the banks of Lake Starnberg, Lehmann soon alienated his new neighbors by repeatedly landing the helicopter in which he would commute to training at Stuttgart on the local team's soccer pitch. As well as using municipal land as his own private helipad, Jens was accused of breaking noise pollution laws and violating flight path rules.

A legendary loon - and legendary player

While Lehmann's madness is now the stuff of legend, one must not forget that this is also the man whose vast contribution - and penalty shoot-out saves - helped Schalke to win the 1997 UEFA Cup; who contributed significantly to Borussia Dortmund's league success in 2002 and their unsuccessful UEFA Cup final appearance of the same year; who broke the record of ten consecutive clean sheets in the Champions League while with Arsenal (with whom he also won the Premier League and FA Cup); and who tended goal in Germany's march to third place at the 2006 World Cup and the final of Euro 2008.

Rumors persist that this could be Lehmann's last season before retirement, but in true "Mad Jens" style the keeper himself has contradicted his own statements on numerous occasions, even saying that his target is now to play for Germany at the 2010 World Cup.

That seems far-fetched - but considering his career to date, anything is possible.

Author: Nick Amies
Editor: Matt Hermann